An Innocuous Felony

The cof­fee new wave sanc­tu­ary, with Clover on the altar, is this local cof­fee shop in New York City.  As the faith­ful enjoys an aro­matic caf­feinated after­noon, a devoted Barista knocks a jar of beans to the floor, send­ing the pre­cious pods a-scattering. What comes of this?  Smite, wrath, agony among the masses! Div­ing, aghast, to save the loot!

Nay. Last Sat­ur­day at Café Grumpy, said sac­ri­lege threat­ened an upris­ing; when the hum­ble but imitable Barista stood up and saved the day by announc­ing “It’s okay, it’s only decaf.”

Most of us burst into laugh­ter. But, the age-old ques­tion that remains is not, can a soci­ety really be judged by how it treats its least; but:  Is decaf the lesser after all?  In no one’s’ mind has decaf ever been hon­ored in the Hall of care­fully processed Spe­cialty Cof­fee Fame.  Nor has decaf ever been praised in terms of fla­vor, aroma and body, but con­sid­ered the lack­lus­ter cousin of the time-honoured tra­di­tional Prac­tice of the Bean.

Is the decaf­feinated bean so worth­less a ser­vant to war­rant men­tion?  Does the del­i­cacy known as Cof­fee lose its essence or endurance with the lack of caffeine?

Like the betel nut, used by a sub­stan­tial por­tion of the world’s pop­u­la­tion since time immemo­r­ial for its recre­ational and stim­u­lant prop­er­ties, cof­fee has been some­times reported to have detri­men­tal phar­ma­co­log­i­cal and den­tal results. Many demand decaf­feinated cof­fee for these rea­sons.  You and I may get going while oth­ers get heart­burn and sleep­less nights.

The true cof­fee lovers’ ques­tion is:  what role does caf­feine play in our enjoy­ment of the most excel­lent brew? Here, there is myth and misunderstanding.

Myth:  Cof­fee doesn’t taste like cof­fee with­out the caf­feine.  Com­men­tary:  Caf­feine is a crys­talline sub­stance lack­ing aroma although pos­sess­ing on the slight­est bit­ter­ness, which would be lost in the heady aroma of a good, fresh coffee.

Myth: Deface wouldn’t taste any dif­fer­ent than a reg­u­lar Ara­bica or Robusta. Commentary: The process of decaf­feinat­ing the cof­fee bean takes place before the roast­ing. The decaf­feinat­ing process involves heat, water and sol­vent, all of which are detri­men­tal to the del­i­cate beans and result­ing headi­ness of the fin­ished product: the dearly held and pre­mium priced above-average Cuppa Joe.

So, hav­ing con­sulted the Elders regard­ing this most del­i­cate prob­lem of the delec­table, it is resolved.  The pres­ence of caf­feine remains supe­rior amongst all the ele­men­tals and blends whose ser­vice we, the faith­ful, will make the jour­ney to the dark side of the moon and back for.